[sticky entry] Sticky: Sticky post

Jan. 6th, 2017 01:08 pm
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
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My Writing

Most of it is on AO3 at [archiveofourown.org profile] pearwaldorf but shorter works reside on Tumblr

Transformative Works Policy

In the unlikely event you would actually do such a thing, blanket permission for derivative works (sequels, remixes, podfic, fanart, etc.) is granted, provided you link me back to it so I can flail at you. Credit and a link back to the original work is appreciated, but not necessary. If a work is archive-locked, please archive-lock the derivative work as well. Thanks.
[Bad username or site:   @ archiveofourown.org]
pearwaldorf: you're making kira exasperated. stop it. (ds9 - kira headdesk)
I know that once a post gets out into the wild it's not really mine anymore, but I am a bit bemused at how "It's good for fandom to have fourth walls" somehow segues into "Fic writers never get any recognition woe woe woe"? Never mind that this is an argument that has been going on for as long there has been fandom, and historically, when authors read fic, it's never exactly gone well for the authors or the fic writers. It's not like it's a capricious exception to creators being able to say nice things about more visual fanwork; there is established precedent (some involving lawyers) as to why it's a Bad Idea. 

Does it suck knowing that your fanwork is probably never going to get to the eyes of creators? Yeah, but that's my/your own bullshit to deal with. I don't believe the potential for creator attention should influence your fanwork in any way. I mean, what exactly does creator attention get you in a big fandom, like the size of, idk, Teen Wolf? Some warm fuzzies and extra eyeballs? It doesn't magically improve your art or craft. It can give you an extra kick in the pants to work harder, become better, but you still have to put in the work.

I suppose this is an offshoot of the whole "write for yourself, not for comments" thing. I'm thankful this is a problem I've never had to wrestle with, to the point where I get baffled that there is this explicit expectation (vs courtesy) of feedback. If I wanted to write for the approval of said creators, I'd try to get a job on the show, y'know? My intended audience has always been mostly myself, maybe some friends with whom I share fandoms or ships in common. I mean, if I'm not happy with a fic, how can I expect somebody else to be? 

idk. In addition to navigating new frontiers of interaction with creators, it seems we're never going to be rid of any of the previous problems we had in fandom.
pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)
A crowd of protesters pulled down a statue of a Confederate soldier in Durham, NC today. I'm not sure what it says about the United States that we are repeating scenes from the fall of the Iron Curtain and the second war in Iraq, but it felt significant to note.
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
It's not been a good brain week, thanks to current events, new news about Carrie Fisher in The Last Jedi that made me realize how much I still miss her, and it being around the six month anniversary of my grandma's death.

(I just figured out my period tracking app has a mood tracker function, and I had to add a current events tag to it. Such is life in 2017.)

Cleaning didn't really help, which is a shame because we did a fucking lot of it, but at least the apartment looks better? Cody and I went to see Star Trek in the park, which one of his friends is in. There's something wonderfully earnest about shoestring community theater, where everybody's in it for love and the sincere belief that Star Trek TOS still has something valuable to say, fifty years later. That's the sort of thing I should try and keep in mind, when the weeks are like this. I have a feeling they won't get any better.
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
I saw Wonder Woman and it was delightful. There were so many female bodies being athletic and fierce and beautiful. It gave me great joy and comfort.
Read more... )
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
Mass insanity/delusionUnderground forces unleashedSentient hostile planet
Genetic experimentationWILD CARDAlien attack
Mega-tsunamis/tidal wavesDystopia without endMass migration

It is my fervent hope this kickstarts some work this year. It's been real bad and real hard to focus and write.

(Want your own? Go to [community profile] tic_tac_woe and request one)

pearwaldorf: amy pond likes the snow. and scarves. (dw - amy snow)

A friend on Tumblr reblogged this video, which was directed by Kristen Stewart. She mentioned that the video is full of queer gaze, and I would agree. In addition to being a very well-crafted music video, it just screams "I was made by a woman, a queer one." I love how it's very consciously un/obtrusive, observant without being voyeuristic. But the way it lingers on Lauren Mayberry's hands, how she presses her fingers to her mouth or twines the headphone cord, there's definitely something the person behind the camera wants to draw attention to. I love the little bit at the end, where Mayberry finally deigns to notice the camera/observer.

This video is very much an exemplar of what Anne Helen Petersen calls the female glance:
Unlike the steady, obsessive gaze, the glance is sprawling, nimble: not easily distracted so much as a constantly vigilant. It scans, it flits, it spins — or, alternately, it observes, with patient detail, the moments of a woman’s world that often go unnoticed...

The female glance is deeply attuned to textures, to shades of light. You can feel the temperature of the bodies around you, the anxiety and claustrophobia or, alternately, the expansiveness and delight. It’s an almost synesthetic mode of filmmaking, focused not on plot, or narrative, but the capacity of an image to convey a feel. It forces identification with, and empathy for, the way women experience the world — an experience that’s often marked by passive observation and the rhythms of the domestic world. Scenes shot in this way can feel paranoiac, distracted, and disjointed, but that’s just the reality of living in a world where your body, your value, your power is constantly surveilled. If the male gaze disassembles and disempowers, then the female glance puts that world back together on its own terms.
There's great power in artistic vision, and the way one asserts it. If this is what Kristen Stewart has in store as a director, I look forward to so much more.
pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)

(Oh man what a great thumbnail.) So Mark Hamill gave a tribute to Carrie Fisher at this year's Star Wars Celebration, and it was good, healing. I think he needed it, and I think other people needed it too. It was good Lucasfilm recognized people needed a space to mourn and grieve and remember. 

So if you think you need the same, grab a box of tissues, watch this, cry as much as you need to. Then go listen to this ridiculous song The Mountain Goats wrote for Rian Johnson as a palate cleanser. I am told it is canon now. 
pearwaldorf: (dw - tardis)
For my own edification, I made a list of VPNs I would consider using. Perhaps it will be helpful to you.

I started from this Torrentfreak list and started winnowing down. My criteria were:
  • Not located in a 14 Eyes country
  • Not on this list (tbh I don't think this is a super huge deal unless you think your ISP is going to hack you but if you're super paranoid?)
Please note that if all you want to do is sidestep geo-IP restrictions to watch BBC iPlayer or Netflix or make sure people aren't sniffing your wi-fi traffic from the coffee shop, this is probably overkill. Go get yourself a Tunnelbear or Hotspot Shield account or something like that. Or if you're on Mac/iOS, Cloak looks like a good one. Their level of transparency is what I want other providers to strive for.

  • Some of these countries these VPNs are hosted in have mutual legal assistance treaties with the US. They don't necessarily have data retention laws, so I judged them probably safe to include. Your opinion may be different.
  • I didn't read through all the privacy policies. It is your responsibility to exercise due diligence and make sure you know what you're signing up for.
  • Maybe don't use these if your intent is to overthrow the government. 
Further reading:
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
Things I want to write about but things haven't quite jelled enough yet:
  • The Good Place and its repudiation of "hell is other people" in the best way, also fuck soulmates
  • A spoilery thing in Horizon: Zero Dawn that fucked me up a lot
  • the Finn/Poe/Rey street racing AU that I am struggling to not make too much like the Fast and the Furious
  • how much I hate the scanning mechanic in Mass Effect: Andromeda

pearwaldorf: (misc - get excited)
Months ago, Lim was kind enough to solicit me for a piece on vidding for a zine she was putting together. For various reasons, I had to drop out, which I still regret. (I was going to write a thing on this Luke and Rey vid set to "Radioactive", and how the song and the source work together to make both things fresh and lively and new. Of course, I'm sure it's much better in my head than it would have turned out anyways.)

The zine
is now live, and it's really freaking great.
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
Cody finished Horizon: Zero Dawn and it is such a fantastic game. The world building is thoughtful and nuanced, and it is a delight to behold. The characters are all great, but especially the female NPCs Aloy encounters in her travels, like Talanah and Vanasha. 
I didn’t realize at first that Ashly Burch voices Aloy, because this particular milieu is so different from what I normally encounter her in. She imparts Aloy with the perfect amount of confidence, compassion, and sarcasm. Along with some really great facial animations (I love the really subtle smirks she makes when confronted with something she knows she’ll stomp into the ground), it makes her a great PC to spend hours with. (Also she is totally lesbians. Like, it’s not blatantly obvious, but the way she reacts when pretty girls/women talk to her? Yeah.)
I love the way the game shows you the world as it is, and then peels it back, layer by layer, to show you how it was. And in doing so, it has a lot to say about hope, survival, cultural memory, and legacy; in some cases, literal seeds of a garden you’ll never get to see. 
If you don’t want to play it or don’t have a PS4, I highly recommend finding a playthrough on YouTube. It is well worth your time.
pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)
Mass Effect: Andromeda is upon us, and so is a particular group in Bioware fandom. Like, every fandom has squee-harshers, but I feel like the Bioware ones are especially vocal and anticipatory. Bioware fandom was pretty chill when I joined Tumblr, but the announcement and lead-up to Inquisition was one of the weirdest periods of my (very long) fandom life.

Fretting about the thing is normal, but istfg people were thinking up shit to worry about. About two weeks before release, it seemed like my entire dashboard was climbing the walls just for something to do. This was, of course, before I learned to curate ruthlessly. I think it's been a lot better leading up to Andromeda because of that. But there's still been some stuff, and it just bums me out. I mean, some of it is Bioware (y'all. Have you ever seen a straight woman with a side shave like Cora's?), but a lot of it feels like people wanting to tear the game down before it even has a chance to do its thing.

I want to see people be happy and excited about new canon, however they felt about the ending of ME3. I want to hear about their Ryders, what they know about them now and what they hope to discover later. I want to know who they want their Ryders to bang, and who they want to bang. I don't think that's too much to ask. There will be plenty of time after the game is out to bitch about its flaws.
pearwaldorf: martha jones from doctor who (dw - martha smirky)
In "honor" of the 20th anniversary of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, please have the very first paper I wrote for library school (which at this point is half as hold as the series itself, good god): an illustration of the life cycle of information as examined through Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I can't find my works cited page, but if you're really really curious about a reference I could probably dig it up.

Read more... )
pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)
Content notes: blithering, grief

Everything remains not quite right.

Read more... )
pearwaldorf: you're making kira exasperated. stop it. (ds9 - kira headdesk)
Back in Seattle.

Owe many replies to comments, on fic and on Dreamwidth. They will be forthcoming.

I am tired, and I miss my grandma. But it'll be OK. 

pearwaldorf: (dw - tardis)
Content notes: death, grief

Read more... )
pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)
Content notes: cancer, family illness/death

Read more... )

I'm so tired and sad. 
pearwaldorf: (misc - get excited)
Chocolate Box creator reveals have happened! I wrote a Bodhi/Galen story for Merfilly. Uncharacteristically, I am quite fond of this one out of the gate. 

Fandom: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Warnings: Major Character Death
Relationships: Galen Erso/Bodhi Rook
“Thanks mate. You probably saved my ass.”
Bodhi gets a low, rusty chuckle in response, like the researcher isn’t used to laughing. Or he did, and for whatever reason, now does not.
“Then I have done one good thing here, and I am glad.” He puts out his hand. “Galen Erso.”
“Bodhi. Bodhi Rook.”
Six moments where Bodhi and Galen’s lives intersected.
pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)
C and I are trying to watch more movies this year. I don't know why 1.5 to 2 hours of a self-contained thing somehow seems more difficult than the equivalent time of TV episodes, but it does. 

Also I am trying to log more movies that I have watched. For some reason I will faithfully log every book I start reading, but I will forget to do so for movies. I have a Letterboxd account if you're truly curious. (As it's mostly for record keeping, I rarely review.)

So, here is a quick run-down of movies I've seen in the past month.

Hidden Figures
is delightful and inspiring. Taraji, Olivia, and Janelle are amazing, I was really annoyed by Kevin Costner's white savior character, and I was delighted to see Aldis Hodge and Mahershala Ali, who I was not expecting. I was impressed by Kirsten Dunst's white lady character, who is instantly recognizable from your Facebook acquaintances and replies to black people on Twitter. The whole "I know you think I hate you but I don't" exchange was brutal. I don't want to say it was simplistic, but it was very straightforward. That probably served the message of the story better, but it felt a little glossed over, too pat to be real history.

John Wick
is a really enjoyable action movie once you get past the upsetting animal death. There's a surprising amount of worldbuilding in it, stuff that's just on the edges and makes you want more exploration. The stunts are so fucking well done, which I suppose is unsurprising given that the directors were Keanu Reeves's stunt doubles on The Matrix. There is deep thought and attention paid to the fight choreography, and Wick's economy of movement in killing is very reminiscent of Kurosawa's samurai. There's never a wasted punch, kick, or shot. Wick actually reloads his gun when the clip runs out, which I don't think I've ever seen in an action movie before. 

This is all well and good, but there's also a ridiculous gleeful spirit of camp to the movie. I was telling C that it reminded me a lot of Boondock Saints (which is a stupid movie that I love a great deal), and not just because Willem Dafoe is in it. The dialogue is hilarious and overwrought, and some fine actors (Ian McShane among them) get to chew the scenery with great relish. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun watching a movie.

Keanu is best paired with John Wick in my opinion, because it's a completely different kind of stupid and also parodies John Wick. Also there's a really cute kitten in it. 

I finally got the chance to watch Moonlight, after hearing raves about it for months. I thought I would be overwhelmed and amazed, based on people's reactions, but it's the sort of movie that's quiet and understated, wondrous because it's so subtle. It feels like the sort of fanfiction I have always wanted to write, the minutiae of gestures indicative of things that run deep. C called it just artsy enough, which I think is fair. It's so beautifully shot, and I love the way the harsh fluorescents contrast with the dark blue palette.

There is so much craft and regard put into this movie, and every character is treated as complex. I wrote this before about Luke Cage, but I think it applies here as well. This is what happens when you let people make art about themselves. You get beautiful, nuanced, thoughtful media that everybody else can watch and appreciate, and it is a fucking joy. 
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
I probably have a bunch of things to say but it's after 9pm on a Sunday and I did a lot of shit today, so have a cute survey about my significant other/me instead.

Who's oldest? C, by a year and eight months
Who was interested? We both were, but C made the first move.
Same high school? We grew up in different states, so no.
Worst temper? Me. I'm the one who gets cranky and/or anxious meltdowns. 
More social? C. I have become much more misanthropic over the years.
Hardest working? C, by far.
Most stubborn? We're both stubborn in different ways.
Who makes the most mess? Me, although we both let the common areas get super bad together.
Wakes up first? C, because he works earlier. We are both morning people now on the weekends, which is very confusing.
Who cooks the most? C enjoys it more, so he does more of it.
Who cries more? Me. I cry at eeeeeeverything.
Who is the better singer? Neither of us.
Hogs the remote? We don't watch enough live TV that it's ever an issue.
Better driver? C by far, as his insurance offers will attest.
Better cook? C
Smartest? C's quite good at predicting politics, for which I am deeply resentful about, because he's usually right. Also he's figured out things about nanotechnology that PhDs haven't, so I'd say he's pretty fucking smart.
More romantic? We're not really into traditional romantic gestures, but I have always felt cared for in the most important ways.
How long have you been together? We've known each other for 17 years, we've been married for almost 14. (We got married very young, which is a silly story for another time.)