pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)
C and I are trying to watch more movies this year. I don't know why 1.5 to 2 hours of a self-contained thing somehow seems more difficult than the equivalent time of TV episodes, but it does. 

Also I am trying to log more movies that I have watched. For some reason I will faithfully log every book I start reading, but I will forget to do so for movies. I have a Letterboxd account if you're truly curious. (As it's mostly for record keeping, I rarely review.)

So, here is a quick run-down of movies I've seen in the past month.

Hidden Figures
is delightful and inspiring. Taraji, Olivia, and Janelle are amazing, I was really annoyed by Kevin Costner's white savior character, and I was delighted to see Aldis Hodge and Mahershala Ali, who I was not expecting. I was impressed by Kirsten Dunst's white lady character, who is instantly recognizable from your Facebook acquaintances and replies to black people on Twitter. The whole "I know you think I hate you but I don't" exchange was brutal. I don't want to say it was simplistic, but it was very straightforward. That probably served the message of the story better, but it felt a little glossed over, too pat to be real history.

John Wick
is a really enjoyable action movie once you get past the upsetting animal death. There's a surprising amount of worldbuilding in it, stuff that's just on the edges and makes you want more exploration. The stunts are so fucking well done, which I suppose is unsurprising given that the directors were Keanu Reeves's stunt doubles on The Matrix. There is deep thought and attention paid to the fight choreography, and Wick's economy of movement in killing is very reminiscent of Kurosawa's samurai. There's never a wasted punch, kick, or shot. Wick actually reloads his gun when the clip runs out, which I don't think I've ever seen in an action movie before. 

This is all well and good, but there's also a ridiculous gleeful spirit of camp to the movie. I was telling C that it reminded me a lot of Boondock Saints (which is a stupid movie that I love a great deal), and not just because Willem Dafoe is in it. The dialogue is hilarious and overwrought, and some fine actors (Ian McShane among them) get to chew the scenery with great relish. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun watching a movie.

Keanu is best paired with John Wick in my opinion, because it's a completely different kind of stupid and also parodies John Wick. Also there's a really cute kitten in it. 

I finally got the chance to watch Moonlight, after hearing raves about it for months. I thought I would be overwhelmed and amazed, based on people's reactions, but it's the sort of movie that's quiet and understated, wondrous because it's so subtle. It feels like the sort of fanfiction I have always wanted to write, the minutiae of gestures indicative of things that run deep. C called it just artsy enough, which I think is fair. It's so beautifully shot, and I love the way the harsh fluorescents contrast with the dark blue palette.

There is so much craft and regard put into this movie, and every character is treated as complex. I wrote this before about Luke Cage, but I think it applies here as well. This is what happens when you let people make art about themselves. You get beautiful, nuanced, thoughtful media that everybody else can watch and appreciate, and it is a fucking joy. 
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
I probably have a bunch of things to say but it's after 9pm on a Sunday and I did a lot of shit today, so have a cute survey about my significant other/me instead.

Who's oldest? C, by a year and eight months
Who was interested? We both were, but C made the first move.
Same high school? We grew up in different states, so no.
Worst temper? Me. I'm the one who gets cranky and/or anxious meltdowns. 
More social? C. I have become much more misanthropic over the years.
Hardest working? C, by far.
Most stubborn? We're both stubborn in different ways.
Who makes the most mess? Me, although we both let the common areas get super bad together.
Wakes up first? C, because he works earlier. We are both morning people now on the weekends, which is very confusing.
Who cooks the most? C enjoys it more, so he does more of it.
Who cries more? Me. I cry at eeeeeeverything.
Who is the better singer? Neither of us.
Hogs the remote? We don't watch enough live TV that it's ever an issue.
Better driver? C by far, as his insurance offers will attest.
Better cook? C
Smartest? C's quite good at predicting politics, for which I am deeply resentful about, because he's usually right. Also he's figured out things about nanotechnology that PhDs haven't, so I'd say he's pretty fucking smart.
More romantic? We're not really into traditional romantic gestures, but I have always felt cared for in the most important ways.
How long have you been together? We've known each other for 17 years, we've been married for almost 14. (We got married very young, which is a silly story for another time.)

pearwaldorf: black widow with explosions behind her (avengers - black widow explosions)
/crawls out from under giant pile of water bottles and tissues, gasping


This last month kicked my ass, to be frank. A perfect storm of "oh god Trump really is our president now", SAD, depression, new medication, bad family news, and illness knocked me for a bit of a loop, and it's taken a while to readjust to whatever this new normal is. It has required a reconfiguration of spoons, attention, whatever you want to call it. I haven't had to do that in a while, and it's going to take a little to get used to. 

It is clear to me that something is going to have to give way to make room in my life for volunteering and activism, and I'm not quite sure what it is yet. Some fandom stuff, maybe. Or the copious amounts of time I spend loafing. I am an indolent slothful person. I deeply enjoy it, and I am loath to give up some of it. On the other hand, a little more structure isn't necessarily a bad thing. 

I read this article about the letters people wrote to President Obama, and the people who curate them. I think there are a lot of things that he should lose sleep over for the rest of his life, but I still respect and admire him a great deal personally. The thing that strikes me is how much care and thought was put into this thing we call the Obama administration (lots of awful things too, but that is a post for another time), down to choosing the letters he'd read every night. It is hard to imagine the same thing happening in the White House now.
pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)
Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner

Day 10

In your own space, share your love for a trope, cliché, kink, motif, or theme. (More than one is okay, too.) Tell us about it, tell us why you love it, give us some examples and recs. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

To no one's surprise, I adore fake relationships, especially with its other companions, pining and forced intimacy. There is something delightful about having to pretend/deny/suppress you don't have feelings for somebody while you're pretending to be in a relationship with them. And then when everybody figures it out, it's great too! It is the best trope of all time and I can't get enough of it.

Recs (The Force Awakens, MCU, Sleepy Hollow) below the cut! If you have recs for fake relationship fics in any fandoms we have in common, please please leave them in the comments.
Read more... )
pearwaldorf: it's not often a friendship lasts two lifetimes (ds9 - dax sisko bffs)
I'm a couple days behind on Snowflake Challenge, because days 8 and 9 are a little more involved. In the meantime, please have this meme I borrowed from [personal profile] hannah :

Because we never really know each other as well as we think, in response to this post I'd like you to ask a question. Anything about which you are curious, anything you feel you ought to know about me. Silly, serious, personal, fannish. Ask away.
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

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Day 8

In your own space, make a list of at least 3 things that you like about yourself. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I am adaptable to changing circumstances, and can usually figure out how to deal with them.
I try to be kind, and recognize that becoming a good person is a journey not a destination.
I am learning to let go of the dumb judgmental things but hold fast on the important stuff.

pearwaldorf: martha jones from doctor who (dw - martha smirky)
I feel like I should make some sort of post saying hello and welcome to all the people who are here because of the friending meme, but it feels a little like cheating when outside of the Snowflake Challenge I don't actually post much on Dreamwidth at all. I'm not talking like not every day, but months will go by without an entry sometimes. Dreamwidth is where I post when I feel like something's too personal for Twitter or Tumblr. I feel less exposed here. There is no security in obscurity, I know that intellectually, but it makes me feel better.

Things I am into right now that I may or may not actually talk about here:

Critical Role - Yes, it's a D&D live play webstream. Yes, the episodes are 3-5 hours long. It is some of the richest, loveliest character-driven storytelling I've ever seen. My 2016 improved markedly after I started watching it. 

KOTOR 2 - I love Star Wars and I love Bioware (and Obsidian I guess), so I'm actually really surprised it took me this long to finally watch a playthrough. This way, it's basically a visual novel all about war, trauma, the Force, and dealing with all of that. It is everything I ever wanted in a Star Wars game, and I am very sad there will never be a sequel.

Star Wars in general - Somebody in their review of The Force Awakens said it gave them back a little bit of their soul they tried to ignore was missing. I don't think I can overstate how much the prequels broke my heart. Like, I lived and breathed Star Wars in my childhood, and after the prequels, I just stopped. I'm glad with enough time, transformative fanwork, and new canon I'm able to enjoy this thing I have loved for so long again.

Yuri On Ice - This is just so perfect and soft and comforting and beautiful. I honestly do not know if I would have gotten through the end of the year without it. I love it as a fan, but also as a writer. The episode pacing is perfect, and the way the Big Reveal makes everything fit together even better just fills me with astonishment and a little bit of jealousy. 

Sticky post

Jan. 6th, 2017 01:08 pm
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
Social Media

[ profile] pearwaldorf 
[ profile] pearwaldorf 
[ profile] pearwaldorf  

Please feel free to follow/unfollow at will. 

My Writing

Most of it is on AO3 at [ profile] pearwaldorf but shorter works reside on Tumblr

Transformative Works Policy

In the unlikely event you would actually do such a thing, blanket permission for derivative works (sequels, remixes, podfic, fanart, etc.) is granted, provided you link me back to it so I can flail at you. Credit and a link back to the original work is appreciated, but not necessary. If a work is archive-locked, please archive-lock the derivative work as well. Thanks.
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pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

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Day 06

In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your wish-list if you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe someone will grant a wish. Check out other people's posts. Maybe you will grant a wish. If any wishes are granted, we'd love it if you link them to this post.

Yuri On Ice
Please tell me somebody has written the Phichit and Yuri practice kissing with each other fic, and done it well. It doesn't have to be romantic, I just want shenanigans and Phichit teasing Yuri about imagining it's Victor he's kissing.

[edit:] My friend [ profile] notcaycepollard wrote this lovely and beautiful fic for me and it's so so great and you should read it.

I just want more fic and meta in general. I read through everything on AO3, and friends have linked me to some stuff on, but unless there's some secret cache hiding on a Star Wars messageboard from 2006, there's not much out there.

I always like recs for vids in fandoms I'm into. Hell, if the vid is well-done and I'm even vaguely familiar with the canon, I'll watch it. 

Concrit on my writing so I know where I can improve. I could ask my writing buddies, but it's such a laborious task. Also I can't ask any randos because I need to hear this from somebody whose writing I like and respect. 
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

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Day 5

In your own space, post recs for at least three fanworks that you did not create.

OK, this I can do. One of the things I always liked to do before I became a creator was to shove things I liked into people's faces, and somehow people liked it as opposed to telling me to go away.

This will be mostly fic and vids, for various fandoms I'm currently into.

Yuri On Ice
(Victor/Yuri unless indicated, spoilers for entire series)

Morning Breaks in Saint Petersburg by neomeruru (nsfw)
Yuuri moves in with Victor in Russia and makes himself at home, with some help. 
This is sweet and lovely, and then lovely and hot.

taking over this town
by kevystel
Yuuri lets himself believe. 
This is beautifully, achingly perfect.

Death of a bachelor (vid) by vityanikiforova

This song is absolutely perfect for both of them.

back for more, back for more
by chii (nsfw)
The one where Victor helps Yuuri into his skates and is stepped on, just a little bit. 

That should probably be enough for you to figure out if you want to read it or not. 

flung out of space
 by rhapsodies (Mila Babacheva/Sara Crispino)
Sara Crispino has purple eyes and a heart-shaped smile, and Mila is screwed right from the start. 
I know we don't know much about these ladies, but I'm still delighted by the relationship that's been built in this fic. I also love this Victor.


to balance the weight we've swallowed by thissugarcane (f!Exile/Atton)
Atton recovers beautifully, even throws her a wicked grin. "The pinnacle of our working relationship, Surik," he counters. Just for a moment, he sways into a fighting stance, before casually slouching against the turret pedestal. Meetra watches his hands, his feet, as he flows from fighting form to slouch, and despite herself, is drawn in. 
I like the way this unfurls, the way they circle around each other until they meet.

here we are safe, here in this quiet by persiflet (Bao-Dur & f!Exile)
He knows people assume this problem of his started after Malachor, but to be honest it was always there. Malachor just made everything more difficult. 
This is perfect and melancholy, and the Bao-Dur voice is great.

Selfish by Kian (f!Exile/Atton, Carth)
The Exile says goodbye to the wrong man. 
The Exile has a conversation. Oh, this aches.

Star Wars (various)

I seem to have a difficult time finding good Star Wars vids, so I'm going to just huck a bunch of these in here.

I Ran by HoneyMonsterNoNo (Kylo Ren, Rey)
Moody, nicely opposes the two characters.

Sum of our Parts by janicerands (Finn/Rey)
rey & finn figure out the hero business. and also fall in space love.

Flares by skywalkcrs (Luke)
Beautiful and made me very emoshe.

Wait For It by pixiedanes (Leia)
Leia keeps losing, keeps going.

There are a great many force4ham mashups, but this one was deeply, deeply affecting. 

There Is a Light That Never Goes Out by ohvienna (Han/Leia)
“I really wanted something different for us.” She thought of her daydreams of the two of them flying across the galaxy together, carefree at last. - Star Wars: Bloodline

This is so sad and it fucked me up so much, especially after Carrie Fisher died.

Can't Hold Us by R1GHTEOUS (Clone Wars, clone soldiers)
Maybe one day I will stop having feelings about the clones. Today is not that day.

Dragon Age

Some of the most unusual and beautiful fanworks I've ever seen are made by [ profile] unklarity, who makes character-themed boxes. I run a Merrill themed blog on Tumblr, and she made a full-sized and a mini one for her. They're filled with all sorts of wonderfully witchy things like candles, stones, and other things representative of the characters. Please check her tag for more of these lovely things. 
pearwaldorf: (misc - get excited)

So. Hello. Thanks for doing this. I’m always delighted when people take time to consider anything I want when writing fics, so I’m sure whatever you write I’m going to love. But if you need something more concrete to work with (as I do), please feel free to look below.

You probably don’t know me. Here are places you can find me:

I hang out mostly on Tumblr and Twitter. I have an AO3 here, and this is some fic that I have read and liked.

Things I love in fic, in no particular order

Read more... )

Do not want

Read more... )

Rogue One

Read more... )

Star Wars Original Trilogy

Read more... )

The Magnificent Seven

Read more... )


pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner

Day 03

In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

  • Meet or exceed word count from previous year (~50K, let's say)
  • Write something 5/7 days of the week
  • Once a month or more, comment on a fic you've read and liked, preferably from an author you've not communicated with before.

Real life
  • Clean something (doesn't have to be big) every day
  • At least 15 minutes of exercise 5/7 days of the week
  • Eat one fruit and/or vegetable every day
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner

Day 2

In your own space, share a book/song/movie/tv show/fanwork/etc that changed your life. Something that impacted on your consciousness in a way that left its mark on your soul. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

The first fanwork that comes to mind is I Had No Idea I Had Been Traveling, by RM and kalichan. It's this beautiful, sprawling epic fic series that spans Davies-era Doctor Who and Torchwood: Jack/Ianto mostly, but so much more. To be honest, most of the reason I watched Torchwood was so I could read this.

In my head, it feels like Sandman, the way a piece of art steps across the landscape and leaves everything changed afterwards. It's not like I hadn't read fanfiction before (I'd been doing so for many years when I came across it), but this series blasted my horizons wide open to what a determined author could do with the canon gives you and expand upon it more than the show ever could. It is queer, kinky, and deeply, achingly true, and I am grateful for it.
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner

This is my first year doing the Snowflake challenge. I had not heard of it before. 

Day 1

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator.

Let's go with a little bit of everything, I guess.

already the world entire (Captain America, Steve/Sam, ensemble)
The one where Sam Wilson gets actual wings. I feel like this is a very typical me fic: a series of gentle anecdotes, a little melancholy, but it all works out in the end.

we wore the jacket for the longest time (The Force Awakens, Finn/Poe/Rey)
The most popular thing I've ever written. I still like it, so I'm glad it resonates with people. 

Your happy welcome in, my heart at ease
(Iron Man, Dr. Wu and Yinsen backstory and friendship)
This is the one that I always feel like deserves more attention than it ever got, despite being a fic about two side characters. 

Away. To. (vid) (The Force Awakens, ensemble)
This is a rather abstract, conceptual vid that I'm still pleased with.
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

There’s a lot of stuff this year. I’ve been holding on to a lot of things I just need to let go.


And we’re on each other’s teams (Steve/Thor)

Read more... )

Captain America

Sam Wilson ficlets

Read more... )

Bucky/T’Challa, marraige of convenience

Read more... )

Bucky/T’Challa, a soft landing

Read more... )

Dragon Age: Inquisition

As the night lay down on top of us (f!Hawke/Varric, before Weisshaupt)

Read more... )

Pacific Rim

Mako, after

Read more... )


Emily choosing to accept the Mark

Read more... )

The Force Awakens

the flames, the sword (the dark!Rey AU of misery)

Read more... )

The Rey/Phasma thing that never got to the Rey/Phasma

Read more... )

Ben, lightsabers

Read more... )

the one where Poe and Rey attempt to deal with the aftermath of being tortured

Read more... )

The one where Finn and Rey sleep with everybody but Poe

Read more... )

The one where Poe deals with loss as a commander

Read more... )

Critical Role

The Percy/Vex femdom exhibitionist one I couldn’t figure out what to do with

Read more... )
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

break from these chains and make my kingdom new (TFA; Finn/Rey, nsfw)
(and if you think it's fine, will you) lay your head next to mine (TFA; Finn/Rey)
my turn in a minute (gonna put my message in it) (TFA; Finn/Rey, Finn/Poe/Rey)
the universe made manifest (TFA; Rey & Luke)
how galaxies collide (TFA; Finn/Rey)
at least we stole the show (Daredevil; Foggy/Karen/Matt, nsfw)
we're headed straight for the keep (DAI; Sera/Dagna)
Rear View [vid] (TFA; Finn/Rey)
hold the nail for the hammer stroke (Rogue One; Jyn Erso/Mon Mothma)
Away. To. [vid] (TFA; ensemble)
a knife on the things that held us together (TFA; Han/Leia, Luke)
(good is) not a thing you are (Critical Role; Percy & Pike)
our own hands against our hearts (Critical Role; Percy/Vex, community theater AU)
Kintsukuroi (Critical Role; Kynan, Jarret, and Pike)
can't we get a little grace (Critical Role; Percy & Cassandra)
let this moment be the first chapter (Star Wars; Han/Leia)
enough language in your mouth (TFA; Finn/Poe, nsfw)
various Tumblr ficlets
various fanmixes, graphics, etc


56409 words and 6:18 minutes of vids. Considering last year it was ~35K and no vids, I'm pleased.


Like last year, I was curious about the breakdown of things written.

By fandom:
The Force Awakens: 22697
Star Wars (not TFA or RO): 2155
Rogue One: 3924
Total Star Wars: 28776
Critical Role: 15300
Captain America/Daredevil/MCU: 6692
DAI: 4962
Other (Yuri On Ice, Dishonored, Marvel comics): 1416

By genre:
Het (outside the context of an OT3): 16806 (29.8%)
Femslash: 5140 (9.1%)
Female POV: 23797 (42.2%)
POC POV: 13476 (23.9%)
WOC POV: 1342 (2.4%)

I wrote a lot more het this year than last, like tenfold. I also wrote a great deal more femslash (almost twice as much!), although that's still not very much. I also wrote twice as much from a female POV, and I'm also pleased by that. I rejiggered calculations for how I track POC POV from last year to get rid of the "real-world" context qualifier (it didn't seem to make sense when Finn gets as much shit as Sam Wilson does for being black, even if it's a galaxy far far away), so it's not apples to apples. But eyeballing it (I'm not going to recalculate it), it doesn't seem to have changed much.

By volume, writing from the perspective of WOC still remains abysmal. I will need to work on that.

The story that challenged me most in getting me out of my comfort zone was a knife on the things that held us together. I don't really do sad/tragic, and after I finished it I was emotionally wiped writing-wise for like two weeks.

I'm also pleased with we're headed straight for the keep, because Sera's voice is super difficult to nail down. I'd like to think that as little as it's featured (for reasons), it sounds true to the game.

HOW DO I DECIDE BETWEEN ALL MY BABIES? The universe made manifest contains a lot of my feelings about the different versions of the Jedi code and how much difference one word makes. Also it has some character moments I like. I like the structure of how galaxies collide. I don't do much consciously with structure usually, so it was fun to do.

Away. To., for sure. Yes I know it's pretentious, but that's why I love it. Also this Leia backstory ficlet.

According to kudos my turn in a minute (gonna put my message in it). This Kynan and Cassandra ficlet(?) also got way more attention than I thought it would?

There are two. The first being break from these chains and make my kingdom new, and at least we stole the show.


I can't say that I've ever thought much about Dagna before writing we're headed straight for the keep, so it was nice to be able to get into her head. I'm also glad to see the Jyn in hold the nail for the hammer stroke doesn't seem wildly ooc from the one in the movie.

The one with Poe in sweatpants, for sure. It's very silly and involves people being discombobulated because of their crushes. In the same vein, my turn in a minute (gonna put my message in it).

Enough language in your mouth was a terrible, recalcitrant story that I despaired over, because I didn't know what it wanted to be and it didn't either.

How much I love everybody in Critical Role. The sheer gayness (which you can hear all about and still not be prepared for) of Yuri on Ice, how much I adore Yuri and Victor, and how much I needed this show without realizing it.

Like it is every year, not writing more. Not finishing the things I wanted to get off my plate.


As I said last year, all my shit is out in the open.

“Do you trust me? In matters of life, death, and appropriate neckwear decisions?” Poe asks. Finn nods, although Rey thinks it might be in spite of himself. She sees Poe smile in the mirror’s reflection. “Good. Now watch my hands, here’s the tricky part.”

“It’s all tricky, Poe.” Finn sounds a little despairing, and Poe laughs softly before kissing him behind the ear.

“I got you buddy, we’ll figure it out.” (from this ficlet)

“We all have the Force.” Chirrut says, his conviction as strong as a fact of nature. “Binding, surrounding, the fucking plastoid tape of the universe.” His voice gets gruff, fondly mocking, and Baze shoots him a glare.

“Is he frowning at me?” Jyn murmurs an affirmative, and Chirrut smiles. (from this ficlet)

I try not to think about it because then I'll want to change them and then I'll never stop fiddling.


Chirrut and Baze in the snow from this ficlet
Kynan over the table in Kintsukuroi
Percy and Pike in this (kinda nsfw) ficlet
Sira and Finn in this ficlet
Jess leaning against Black One in this ficlet

A look back at last year's goals:

I think I would like to write a long story, probably the Adoribull Eagle AU
Yeah that totally did not happen. I don't think I'm one of those writers who has enough stamina or patience to write anything super long, although I may surprise myself.

Also I think I would like to write something unrepentantly trashy. Something totally dead dove do not eat that makes people who aren't into it go D: a lot.

That also did not happen. Maybe next year!

After the election, and looking ahead to the next year or four, I have been thinking about what I can do as a creative person, outside of direct activist/volunteer work, to support people's spirits during what will undoubtedly be some grim times. I think about how after the election, being able to dive into a fic for a little while was such comfort. I hope to write stories about connection, friendship, and resistance with as much love and care as possible. 
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
1. Your main fandom of the year?
Star Wars. Critical Role made a very strong showing in the middle of the year. Yuri on Ice was the unexpected dark horse.

2. Your favorite film watched this year?
Moana, maybe? Magic Mike XXL? I really need to be better about logging my movies on Letterboxd. The most important one I watched was the broadcast of Allegiance.

3. Your favorite book read this year?
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. I highly recommend the audiobook version read by Lin-Manuel Miranda.

I also liked Star Wars: Bloodline by Claudia Gray. After reading Aftermath (there is something about Chuck Wendig’s writing style that just does not mesh well with me), a novel all about Leia and galactic politics was exactly what I needed.

4. Your favorite TV show of the year?
Same as last year, Fresh Off the Boat and Brooklyn Nine Nine remain wonderfully bright spots in my life. I watched Season 1 of Supergirl after the election and it was exactly what I needed.

5. Your favorite online fandom community of the year?
Critical Role Tumblr, or at least my corner of it. What an incredibly talented, lovely group of people.

6. Your best new fandom discovery of the year?
A toss-up between Critical Role and Yuri on Ice. I honestly do not know if I would have gotten through the year without them.

7. Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?
Captain America: Civil War. It’s not that it was bad, it’s definitely not the thing I was hoping for coming in. But we got a giant explosion of Sam/Bucky fic out of it, so it wasn’t all bad.

8. Your TV boyfriend of the year?
James Olsen. I mean. Just. Good god.

9. Your TV girlfriend of the year?
Alex Danvers, who is so fierce and wonderful and loyal and deserves nothing but good things.

10. Your biggest squee moment of the year?
I yelled pretty loud at the end of episode 10 of Yuri on Ice. There were a couple HDYWTDTs in Critical Role that may have scared the cat. But probably the thing that affected me most emotionally was watching the first trailer for Rogue One in April and seeing Jyn, Chirrut and Baze for the first time.

11. The most missed of your old fandoms?
I miss seeing lots of Pacific Rim stuff on my dash. Also Sleepy Hollow.

12. The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?
I don’t know. I feel pretty full up on things to keep my attention right now.

13. Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?
American Gods liek whoa. Star Wars Episode VIII. Mass Effect: Andromeda.

pearwaldorf: poe from tfa (sw - poe)
I saw a Rogue One! I enjoyed it, but I don't know how I feel about Star Wars prequels still, so it's like 1999 all over again.
Read more... )
pearwaldorf: black widow with explosions behind her (avengers - black widow explosions)
We Lived Happily During the War

And when they bombed other people’s houses, we

but not enough, we opposed them but not

enough. I was
in my bed, around my bed America

was falling: invisible house by invisible house by invisible house.

I took a chair outside and watched the sun.

In the sixth month
of a disastrous reign in the house of money

in the street of money in the city of money in the country of money,
our great country of money, we (forgive us)

lived happily during the war.

--Ilya Kaminsky

Somebody posted this on Tumblr, and it rattled me, because as I read it, I realized becoming this narrator is a fear of mine. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my lack of political involvement since Obama was elected. Yes, part of it was legitimately thinking that things were changing for the better, being seduced by the myth of progress. But if I want to be honest about it, it was easier to pretend, and get sidetracked by the minutiae of quotidian life, believe that donating money was enough.

And then I read an article about what's going on in Aleppo right now, and I realized I hadn't even properly opposed or protested what was going on. It was a tragedy, of course, but nothing that had anything to do with me. It was upsetting to bear witness, so I did not. Never mind that Neil (and so many other people have) been banging on about this for years, doing their best to raise awareness and make people like me give a shit. Intellectually, I know that my individual concern would not have made the rest of the world care, but there are many many people like me, who could have tipped the balance collectively. It was a conscious choice to turn away, and it is one I am ashamed to have made. 
pearwaldorf: you're making kira exasperated. stop it. (ds9 - kira headdesk)
I am intellectually well aware of what happened on election night. I haven't stopped reading about it, because it helps me feel like I know what's going on and that I have a modicum of control. I made a Delicious account to catalog the more useful and illuminating things. As I said on Tumblr, if some digital archaeologist is sifting through the virtual rubble, I want them to know we tried. 

But emotionally, it is something I have not felt capable of internalizing. Fully half the voters, 18-ish percent of the population of this country if the math on Twitter was right, thinks that white supremacy is an acceptable choice, either as an explicit credo or an acceptable consequence. And we didn't see it coming, or thought it wouldn't come to pass.

What keeps sticking in my head is that scene in The Matrix Reloaded, where Neo meets the Architect. He reveals that the first Matrix didn't succeed because was too utopian, too perfect. So the second one was "redesigned based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature." This feels too horrid to be of this world, like an intrusion from a darker timeline. And the real bad shit hasn't even happened yet. 

The thing that's been keeping me afloat (if barely) is thinking about George Takei's confidence that we can get through this. If somebody whose family was put into an internment camp thinks we have a chance, I will defer to the wisdom of my elders.