pearwaldorf | (no subject)

Anya (crying): But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why. (She puts her hand over her face, crying.)

Somebody I went to school with, and worked alongside when I was a graduate assistant, died on Sunday. He was always smart, cheerful and amiable. We weren't close or anything, but given how small the MLIS scene and Seattle is, we saw each other on a regular enough basis to keep up on the changes in our lives. He had a girlfriend, who I met, and she seemed nice. He was going to start a new position at Amazon the last time we talked. We sat on the floor at our friend Robin's house, and we pet the dogs running around. He seemed happy with the direction his life was taking. And now he's not... anything.

And it was unexpected, and I am rattled, not least because we were the same age. (My last big death freakout was, unsurprisingly, Cory Monteith, who was exactly six months older than me.) Intellectually I understand that I could be hit by a bus tomorrow, but it's another thing to walk around Fremont and let that knowledge sit with you for a while. For the most part, if I were to shuffle off the mortal coil tomorrow, I am all right with the person I am and the life I have lived, but the one thing I think I would do more is talk to the people I care about and tell them they are properly appreciated. So if you get a random card, letter or email from me, that's probably why.

Just in case my motivation fails (which is a distinct possibility), I wanted to let you know that I appreciate you. I probably curate my friends and acquaintances too aggressively, but if you're in my life, it's because I want you to be there. Thank you for talking with me, making up stories for the hell of it, and challenging me intellectually and to be a better person. My friends have always been the best of me, and I should let you all know that.