(no subject)

[pearwaldorf]

Being a member of hip_domestics and working where I do, I come into contact with a lot of women. Their lifestyles don't always jibe with mine, and that's fine. Different strokes, etc. But the thing that makes me go *BOINK!* with utter incomprehension followed by rage is when women earn money and then hand it over to their husbands to administrate, to the point where they have to ask for spending money. For chrissakes, these are not little girls asking Daddy for allowances, and this is the goddamn 21st century. I thought we were over this stuff already, but at least once a week, I get a woman on the phone who says "I need to ask my husband about this first, he takes care of that stuff," and it just makes me so fucking mad. I don't understand how anybody could cede control of something so important, or be comfortable not knowing where their hard-earned money is going. How a person manages (or doesn't) manage their money is not necessarily a moral judgement on them per se, but it does say a lot about their character. And I would seriously wonder about a man, or anybody really, who would keep their partner in the dark something so important as household finances.

Comments

[lubaya.livejournal.com]

Nathan handles our finances, because I simply don't have time to keep track of that since I'm in school and working. He also gets some sort of anal retentive joy out of entering that kind of shit into a spreadsheet. I'm pretty thankful I don't have to worry about that stuff most of the time, because it's the last thing I want to think about it.

[sonatine.livejournal.com]

I totally understand that. Some people don't dig the whole keeping track thing, but the difference is it's your choice.

And a spreadsheet? -_O I'm happy if I can remember all the transactions that show up in my online banking statement.

[circusgirl.livejournal.com]

See, my girlfriend handles our finances as far as paying the bills, etc., but I know exactly where the money is going and in what amounts and all that. Unless you're making a major purchase like a car or a house or, I don't know, a horse, you shouldn't have to *ask* your partner at all, Jesus.

[eponis.livejournal.com]

I meet a lot of people like that in my job, but to be fair, it's not always the women. I remember one guy in particular who, when I asked him to pay using a check, said "oh, gosh, I don't even know where our checkbook is - my wife handles all our finances and all the money."

What frustrates me more is when it's clear that one partner is genuinely being overruled. "Oh, I'm not allowed to give money to people at the door; I gave somebody a check a month ago, and my husband was furious and made me promise not to do it again without getting his permission!"

[mydarkstar.livejournal.com]

When I lived with Jeff, he was in charge of our money, always, even when I was working and he was not. Why? Because he was very, very good at convincing me that I couldn't possibly be trusted with such complicated manners, being so young and naive and all. I had never lived away from my family, so I believed him. One of the (many) reasons I ended our relationship was exactly that I became less and less comfortable not knowing exactly what he was doing with our money, especially when he would complain bitterly of how broke we were when I asked for small amounts of money (always < $50 a week) to buy myself things, yet always seemed to have plenty to buy himself video games, DVDs, porn site memberships, etc.

Currently, Leland and I just look after our own incomes, nonexistant as mine currently is. He refuses to allow me to help with the bills, on the grounds that he makes a lot more and it is technically his apartment, so any money I make is my own pocket money. Now that I'm not making any, he gives me money for groceries and small personal things, partly as payment for my doing things he's too lazy to do himself, like running errands and listing eBay auctions.

What drove me crazy, feminism-wise, at that job was the women who would automatically give their husband's names when I asked for theirs. I asked for YOUR name, you twit! Or the ones who would be all "I think you should talk to my husband." It was more understandable when it was old ladies, but women who were obviously in their 20s...grrr.

[threerings.livejournal.com]

See, I can kind of get there. I handle the money in my household, and I know a lot of couples where the woman is in charge. My husband never spends money without asking me, and I generally ask him before I buy something iffy. Sometimes it's just a matter of who has the self-control and who doesn't. If we both spent indiscriminantly, we'd always be broke (moreso than we are). I just think it's the kind of thing every couple eventually works out on their own, and it differs for everyone.

What I don't understand are couples who have totally separate finances and one person can't buy the new whatever that they need while the other is blowing tons of money on luxury stuff. Just seems like a weird way to work a marriage.

YMMV