(no subject)

[pearwaldorf]

I'm so fucking tired.


This fucking week, politics, self-care, self-loathing, brain weasels

I tapped out of work today because it was evident from pretty much the first hour I would not be able to give it the attention it requires and deserves. I believe it was the right call, confirmed when the time for the vote rolled around and Jeff Flake was... himself basically.

I am cranky and resentful I have to take this time off from my normally scheduled life because I can't even enjoy it. A self-care day isn't always a spa day, and this is definitely one of those. I even went to the grocery store to go buy a steak, because I wanted steak and it's a day off. And then I came home and I just ran out of can, so I'm having soup for lunch instead (pun not intended but acknowledged).

And I also feel shitty for taking the day off, regardless of necessity, and guilty for being privileged enough to do so. Which is stupid as hell, but that does not keep the feeling from happening. And like. There are plenty of women and other sexual assault and/or abuse survivors going about their day normally, out of necessity or want. I am not a victim of anything save being a woman, and it feels silly to be so upset about things, however awful, that have happened only to other people. I recognize these are not rational responses, but they are there, and I am feeling them. idk. it's been a bad fucking week, and the last two days have been really hard.

Comments

[longwhitecoats]

I love you, friend, and I hear you. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. <3333

[lovelythings]

I feel the same <3 Take care of you. The trauma of being a woman is a lot.

[silveradept]

Being able to take care of yourself is a good thing. Even when it goes up against other cultural insistence that taking time for yourself is either weakness or extravagant self-indulgence. This week has been the sort of week that punches everyone in all the soft and tender bits repeatedly, Regardless of whether they personally experienced what was described repeatedly. Or whether this is the first or the five hundredth time they've been told to shut up and stop trying by people who ostensibly represent then.