pearwaldorf | (no subject)

Heech!

Congratulations, Threepio, you're my 50th friend.

So I've just been kicking around space lately. Not much to do, I mean, I'm in space. No television, nothing. How am I updating this? THROUGH THE MOTHER FUCKING FORCE, ASSHOLES. Yeah. You remember, the whole fucking JEDI thing? That's right.

I'm sorry. I'm just really bored. I'm piloting this ship all by my lonesome, not even Artoo is with me this time. Not many people to chat it up with. And by many, I mean any. Except my hand, who has also become my sole sex partner on this long, cold journey to Endor. I call it Handgelina Jolie. SO LONELY. If there aren't any chicks who resemble my species, I'm banging a mother fucking ewok. I don't care, I really don't care anymore.

I've been playing with my light saber a lot. The real one, not the little (though it's hardly small) one. I just whip it out and I'm all, "Take that, thing dangling from the ceiling. And you too, dastardly package of granola bars."

So today is now the 4th of July. Have a happy one and blow off your hand, everyone, 'cause I'm tired of being the only one besides my dad in the "Having a mechanical hand" boat. He's shitty company after a while. Plus, the advantage with it is you can turn off the sensory in it, and when you stay home from work on Tuesday to stroke it, it feels like someone else is doing it. The Stranger, I think it's called. For the unlucky ones with inferior real hands, you can just sit on your hand until it goes numb for the same effect.