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pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
former hook Shepard

January 2017

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Please feel free to follow/unfollow at will. 

My Writing

Most of it is on AO3 at [archiveofourown.org profile] pearwaldorf but shorter works reside on Tumblr

Transformative Works Policy

In the unlikely event you would actually do such a thing, blanket permission for derivative works (sequels, remixes, podfic, fanart, etc.) is granted, provided you link me back to it so I can flail at you. If a work is archive-locked, please archive-lock the derivative work as well. Thanks.
[Bad username or site: @ archiveofourown.org]
pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)
Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner

Day 10

In your own space, share your love for a trope, cliché, kink, motif, or theme. (More than one is okay, too.) Tell us about it, tell us why you love it, give us some examples and recs. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

To no one's surprise, I adore fake relationships, especially with its other companions, pining and forced intimacy. There is something delightful about having to pretend/deny/suppress you don't have feelings for somebody while you're pretending to be in a relationship with them. And then when everybody figures it out, it's great too! It is the best trope of all time and I can't get enough of it.

Recs (The Force Awakens, MCU, Sleepy Hollow) below the cut! If you have recs for fake relationship fics in any fandoms we have in common, please please leave them in the comments.
Read more... )
pearwaldorf: it's not often a friendship lasts two lifetimes (ds9 - dax sisko bffs)
I'm a couple days behind on Snowflake Challenge, because days 8 and 9 are a little more involved. In the meantime, please have this meme I borrowed from [personal profile] hannah :

Because we never really know each other as well as we think, in response to this post I'd like you to ask a question. Anything about which you are curious, anything you feel you ought to know about me. Silly, serious, personal, fannish. Ask away.
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner


Day 8

In your own space, make a list of at least 3 things that you like about yourself. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I am adaptable to changing circumstances, and can usually figure out how to deal with them.
I try to be kind, and recognize that becoming a good person is a journey not a destination.
I am learning to let go of the dumb judgmental things but hold fast on the important stuff.

pearwaldorf: martha jones from doctor who (dw - martha smirky)
I feel like I should make some sort of post saying hello and welcome to all the people who are here because of the friending meme, but it feels a little like cheating when outside of the Snowflake Challenge I don't actually post much on Dreamwidth at all. I'm not talking like not every day, but months will go by without an entry sometimes. Dreamwidth is where I post when I feel like something's too personal for Twitter or Tumblr. I feel less exposed here. There is no security in obscurity, I know that intellectually, but it makes me feel better.

Things I am into right now that I may or may not actually talk about here:

Critical Role - Yes, it's a D&D live play webstream. Yes, the episodes are 3-5 hours long. It is some of the richest, loveliest character-driven storytelling I've ever seen. My 2016 improved markedly after I started watching it. 

KOTOR 2 - I love Star Wars and I love Bioware (and Obsidian I guess), so I'm actually really surprised it took me this long to finally watch a playthrough. This way, it's basically a visual novel all about war, trauma, the Force, and dealing with all of that. It is everything I ever wanted in a Star Wars game, and I am very sad there will never be a sequel.

Star Wars in general - Somebody in their review of The Force Awakens said it gave them back a little bit of their soul they tried to ignore was missing. I don't think I can overstate how much the prequels broke my heart. Like, I lived and breathed Star Wars in my childhood, and after the prequels, I just stopped. I'm glad with enough time, transformative fanwork, and new canon I'm able to enjoy this thing I have loved for so long again.

Yuri On Ice - This is just so perfect and soft and comforting and beautiful. I honestly do not know if I would have gotten through the end of the year without it. I love it as a fan, but also as a writer. The episode pacing is perfect, and the way the Big Reveal makes everything fit together even better just fills me with astonishment and a little bit of jealousy. 
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

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Day 06

In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your wish-list if you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe someone will grant a wish. Check out other people's posts. Maybe you will grant a wish. If any wishes are granted, we'd love it if you link them to this post.

Yuri On Ice
Please tell me somebody has written the Phichit and Yuri practice kissing with each other fic, and done it well. It doesn't have to be romantic, I just want shenanigans and Phichit teasing Yuri about imagining it's Victor he's kissing.

[edit:] My friend [archiveofourown.org profile] notcaycepollard wrote this lovely and beautiful fic for me and it's so so great and you should read it.

KOTOR 2
I just want more fic and meta in general. I read through everything on AO3, and friends have linked me to some stuff on ff.net, but unless there's some secret cache hiding on a Star Wars messageboard from 2006, there's not much out there.

General
I always like recs for vids in fandoms I'm into. Hell, if the vid is well-done and I'm even vaguely familiar with the canon, I'll watch it. 

Concrit on my writing so I know where I can improve. I could ask my writing buddies, but it's such a laborious task. Also I can't ask any randos because I need to hear this from somebody whose writing I like and respect. 
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner


Day 5

In your own space, post recs for at least three fanworks that you did not create.


OK, this I can do. One of the things I always liked to do before I became a creator was to shove things I liked into people's faces, and somehow people liked it as opposed to telling me to go away.

This will be mostly fic and vids, for various fandoms I'm currently into.

Yuri On Ice
(Victor/Yuri unless indicated, spoilers for entire series)

Morning Breaks in Saint Petersburg by neomeruru (nsfw)
Yuuri moves in with Victor in Russia and makes himself at home, with some help. 
 
This is sweet and lovely, and then lovely and hot.

taking over this town
by kevystel
Yuuri lets himself believe. 
 
This is beautifully, achingly perfect.

Death of a bachelor (vid) by vityanikiforova

This song is absolutely perfect for both of them.

back for more, back for more
by chii (nsfw)
The one where Victor helps Yuuri into his skates and is stepped on, just a little bit. 

That should probably be enough for you to figure out if you want to read it or not. 

flung out of space
 by rhapsodies (Mila Babacheva/Sara Crispino)
Sara Crispino has purple eyes and a heart-shaped smile, and Mila is screwed right from the start. 
 
I know we don't know much about these ladies, but I'm still delighted by the relationship that's been built in this fic. I also love this Victor.

KOTOR 2

to balance the weight we've swallowed by thissugarcane (f!Exile/Atton)
Atton recovers beautifully, even throws her a wicked grin. "The pinnacle of our working relationship, Surik," he counters. Just for a moment, he sways into a fighting stance, before casually slouching against the turret pedestal. Meetra watches his hands, his feet, as he flows from fighting form to slouch, and despite herself, is drawn in. 
 
I like the way this unfurls, the way they circle around each other until they meet.

here we are safe, here in this quiet by persiflet (Bao-Dur & f!Exile)
He knows people assume this problem of his started after Malachor, but to be honest it was always there. Malachor just made everything more difficult. 
 
This is perfect and melancholy, and the Bao-Dur voice is great.

Selfish by Kian (f!Exile/Atton, Carth)
The Exile says goodbye to the wrong man. 
 
The Exile has a conversation. Oh, this aches.

Star Wars (various)


I seem to have a difficult time finding good Star Wars vids, so I'm going to just huck a bunch of these in here.

I Ran by HoneyMonsterNoNo (Kylo Ren, Rey)
Moody, nicely opposes the two characters.

Sum of our Parts by janicerands (Finn/Rey)
rey & finn figure out the hero business. and also fall in space love.

Flares by skywalkcrs (Luke)
Beautiful and made me very emoshe.

Wait For It by pixiedanes (Leia)
Leia keeps losing, keeps going.

There are a great many force4ham mashups, but this one was deeply, deeply affecting. 

There Is a Light That Never Goes Out by ohvienna (Han/Leia)
“I really wanted something different for us.” She thought of her daydreams of the two of them flying across the galaxy together, carefree at last. - Star Wars: Bloodline

This is so sad and it fucked me up so much, especially after Carrie Fisher died.

Can't Hold Us by R1GHTEOUS (Clone Wars, clone soldiers)
Maybe one day I will stop having feelings about the clones. Today is not that day.

Dragon Age

Some of the most unusual and beautiful fanworks I've ever seen are made by [tumblr.com profile] unklarity, who makes character-themed boxes. I run a Merrill themed blog on Tumblr, and she made a full-sized and a mini one for her. They're filled with all sorts of wonderfully witchy things like candles, stones, and other things representative of the characters. Please check her tag for more of these lovely things. 
pearwaldorf: (misc - get excited)

So. Hello. Thanks for doing this. I’m always delighted when people take time to consider anything I want when writing fics, so I’m sure whatever you write I’m going to love. But if you need something more concrete to work with (as I do), please feel free to look below.

You probably don’t know me. Here are places you can find me:

I hang out mostly on Tumblr and Twitter. I have an AO3 here, and this is some fic that I have read and liked.

Things I love in fic, in no particular order

Read more... )



Do not want

Read more... )

Rogue One

Read more... )

Star Wars Original Trilogy

Read more... )

The Magnificent Seven

Read more... )

 

pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner



Day 03

 
In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Fannish
  • Meet or exceed word count from previous year (~50K, let's say)
  • Write something 5/7 days of the week
  • Once a month or more, comment on a fic you've read and liked, preferably from an author you've not communicated with before.

Real life
  • Clean something (doesn't have to be big) every day
  • At least 15 minutes of exercise 5/7 days of the week
  • Eat one fruit and/or vegetable every day
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner


Day 2

In your own space, share a book/song/movie/tv show/fanwork/etc that changed your life. Something that impacted on your consciousness in a way that left its mark on your soul. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

The first fanwork that comes to mind is I Had No Idea I Had Been Traveling, by RM and kalichan. It's this beautiful, sprawling epic fic series that spans Davies-era Doctor Who and Torchwood: Jack/Ianto mostly, but so much more. To be honest, most of the reason I watched Torchwood was so I could read this.

In my head, it feels like Sandman, the way a piece of art steps across the landscape and leaves everything changed afterwards. It's not like I hadn't read fanfiction before (I'd been doing so for many years when I came across it), but this series blasted my horizons wide open to what a determined author could do with the canon gives you and expand upon it more than the show ever could. It is queer, kinky, and deeply, achingly true, and I am grateful for it.
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)


Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner

This is my first year doing the Snowflake challenge. I had not heard of it before. 

Day 1

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator.

Let's go with a little bit of everything, I guess.

already the world entire (Captain America, Steve/Sam, ensemble)
The one where Sam Wilson gets actual wings. I feel like this is a very typical me fic: a series of gentle anecdotes, a little melancholy, but it all works out in the end.

we wore the jacket for the longest time (The Force Awakens, Finn/Poe/Rey)
The most popular thing I've ever written. I still like it, so I'm glad it resonates with people. 

Your happy welcome in, my heart at ease
(Iron Man, Dr. Wu and Yinsen backstory and friendship)
This is the one that I always feel like deserves more attention than it ever got, despite being a fic about two side characters. 

Away. To. (vid) (The Force Awakens, ensemble)
This is a rather abstract, conceptual vid that I'm still pleased with.
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)

There’s a lot of stuff this year. I’ve been holding on to a lot of things I just need to let go.



Avengers



And we’re on each other’s teams (Steve/Thor)


Read more... )

Captain America



Sam Wilson ficlets


Read more... )

Bucky/T’Challa, marraige of convenience


Read more... )

Bucky/T’Challa, a soft landing


Read more... )

Dragon Age: Inquisition



As the night lay down on top of us (f!Hawke/Varric, before Weisshaupt)


Read more... )

Pacific Rim



Mako, after


Read more... )

Dishonored



Emily choosing to accept the Mark


Read more... )

The Force Awakens



the flames, the sword (the dark!Rey AU of misery)


Read more... )

The Rey/Phasma thing that never got to the Rey/Phasma



Read more... )

Ben, lightsabers



Read more... )

the one where Poe and Rey attempt to deal with the aftermath of being tortured



Read more... )

The one where Finn and Rey sleep with everybody but Poe



Read more... )

The one where Poe deals with loss as a commander



Read more... )

Critical Role



The Percy/Vex femdom exhibitionist one I couldn’t figure out what to do with



Read more... )
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
LIST OF FANWORKS:

break from these chains and make my kingdom new (TFA; Finn/Rey, nsfw)
(and if you think it's fine, will you) lay your head next to mine (TFA; Finn/Rey)
my turn in a minute (gonna put my message in it) (TFA; Finn/Rey, Finn/Poe/Rey)
the universe made manifest (TFA; Rey & Luke)
how galaxies collide (TFA; Finn/Rey)
at least we stole the show (Daredevil; Foggy/Karen/Matt, nsfw)
we're headed straight for the keep (DAI; Sera/Dagna)
Rear View [vid] (TFA; Finn/Rey)
hold the nail for the hammer stroke (Rogue One; Jyn Erso/Mon Mothma)
Away. To. [vid] (TFA; ensemble)
a knife on the things that held us together (TFA; Han/Leia, Luke)
(good is) not a thing you are (Critical Role; Percy & Pike)
our own hands against our hearts (Critical Role; Percy/Vex, community theater AU)
Kintsukuroi (Critical Role; Kynan, Jarret, and Pike)
can't we get a little grace (Critical Role; Percy & Cassandra)
let this moment be the first chapter (Star Wars; Han/Leia)
enough language in your mouth (TFA; Finn/Poe, nsfw)
various Tumblr ficlets
various fanmixes, graphics, etc

TOTAL WORD COUNT FOR THE YEAR:


56409 words and 6:18 minutes of vids. Considering last year it was ~35K and no vids, I'm pleased.

OVERALL THOUGHTS:

Like last year, I was curious about the breakdown of things written.

By fandom:
The Force Awakens: 22697
Star Wars (not TFA or RO): 2155
Rogue One: 3924
Total Star Wars: 28776
Critical Role: 15300
Captain America/Daredevil/MCU: 6692
DAI: 4962
Other (Yuri On Ice, Dishonored, Marvel comics): 1416

By genre:
Het (outside the context of an OT3): 16806 (29.8%)
Femslash: 5140 (9.1%)
Female POV: 23797 (42.2%)
POC POV: 13476 (23.9%)
WOC POV: 1342 (2.4%)

I wrote a lot more het this year than last, like tenfold. I also wrote a great deal more femslash (almost twice as much!), although that's still not very much. I also wrote twice as much from a female POV, and I'm also pleased by that. I rejiggered calculations for how I track POC POV from last year to get rid of the "real-world" context qualifier (it didn't seem to make sense when Finn gets as much shit as Sam Wilson does for being black, even if it's a galaxy far far away), so it's not apples to apples. But eyeballing it (I'm not going to recalculate it), it doesn't seem to have changed much.

By volume, writing from the perspective of WOC still remains abysmal. I will need to work on that.
 
PERSONAL BEST:

The story that challenged me most in getting me out of my comfort zone was a knife on the things that held us together. I don't really do sad/tragic, and after I finished it I was emotionally wiped writing-wise for like two weeks.

I'm also pleased with we're headed straight for the keep, because Sera's voice is super difficult to nail down. I'd like to think that as little as it's featured (for reasons), it sounds true to the game.
 
PERSONAL FAVORITE:

HOW DO I DECIDE BETWEEN ALL MY BABIES? The universe made manifest contains a lot of my feelings about the different versions of the Jedi code and how much difference one word makes. Also it has some character moments I like. I like the structure of how galaxies collide. I don't do much consciously with structure usually, so it was fun to do.
 
MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED (IMO):

Away. To., for sure. Yes I know it's pretentious, but that's why I love it. Also this Leia backstory ficlet.
 
MOST POPULAR:

According to kudos my turn in a minute (gonna put my message in it). This Kynan and Cassandra ficlet(?) also got way more attention than I thought it would?
 
STORY WITH THE SEXIEST MOMENT:

There are two. The first being break from these chains and make my kingdom new, and at least we stole the show.

STORY THAT SHIFTED MY OWN PERCEPTIONS OF A CHARACTER:

I can't say that I've ever thought much about Dagna before writing we're headed straight for the keep, so it was nice to be able to get into her head. I'm also glad to see the Jyn in hold the nail for the hammer stroke doesn't seem wildly ooc from the one in the movie.
 
MOST FUN STORY TO WRITE:

The one with Poe in sweatpants, for sure. It's very silly and involves people being discombobulated because of their crushes. In the same vein, my turn in a minute (gonna put my message in it).
 
HARDEST:

Enough language in your mouth was a terrible, recalcitrant story that I despaired over, because I didn't know what it wanted to be and it didn't either.
 
BIGGEST SURPRISE/S:

How much I love everybody in Critical Role. The sheer gayness (which you can hear all about and still not be prepared for) of Yuri on Ice, how much I adore Yuri and Victor, and how much I needed this show without realizing it.
 
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT:

Like it is every year, not writing more. Not finishing the things I wanted to get off my plate.

MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TELLING STORY:

As I said last year, all my shit is out in the open.
 
FAVOURITE LINES/SCENES:

“Do you trust me? In matters of life, death, and appropriate neckwear decisions?” Poe asks. Finn nods, although Rey thinks it might be in spite of himself. She sees Poe smile in the mirror’s reflection. “Good. Now watch my hands, here’s the tricky part.”

“It’s all tricky, Poe.” Finn sounds a little despairing, and Poe laughs softly before kissing him behind the ear.

“I got you buddy, we’ll figure it out.” (from this ficlet)

“We all have the Force.” Chirrut says, his conviction as strong as a fact of nature. “Binding, surrounding, the fucking plastoid tape of the universe.” His voice gets gruff, fondly mocking, and Baze shoots him a glare.

“Is he frowning at me?” Jyn murmurs an affirmative, and Chirrut smiles. (from this ficlet)
 
LINES/SCENES YOU’D CHANGE:

I try not to think about it because then I'll want to change them and then I'll never stop fiddling.

TOP FIVE SCENES YOU WISH WOULD BE ILLUSTRATED:

Chirrut and Baze in the snow from this ficlet
Kynan over the table in Kintsukuroi
Percy and Pike in this (kinda nsfw) ficlet
Sira and Finn in this ficlet
Jess leaning against Black One in this ficlet
 
2016 WRITING AMBITIONS:

A look back at last year's goals:

I think I would like to write a long story, probably the Adoribull Eagle AU
Yeah that totally did not happen. I don't think I'm one of those writers who has enough stamina or patience to write anything super long, although I may surprise myself.

Also I think I would like to write something unrepentantly trashy. Something totally dead dove do not eat that makes people who aren't into it go D: a lot.

That also did not happen. Maybe next year!

After the election, and looking ahead to the next year or four, I have been thinking about what I can do as a creative person, outside of direct activist/volunteer work, to support people's spirits during what will undoubtedly be some grim times. I think about how after the election, being able to dive into a fic for a little while was such comfort. I hope to write stories about connection, friendship, and resistance with as much love and care as possible. 
pearwaldorf: rey from tfa (Default)
1. Your main fandom of the year?
Star Wars. Critical Role made a very strong showing in the middle of the year. Yuri on Ice was the unexpected dark horse.

2. Your favorite film watched this year?
Moana, maybe? Magic Mike XXL? I really need to be better about logging my movies on Letterboxd. The most important one I watched was the broadcast of Allegiance.

3. Your favorite book read this year?
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. I highly recommend the audiobook version read by Lin-Manuel Miranda.

I also liked Star Wars: Bloodline by Claudia Gray. After reading Aftermath (there is something about Chuck Wendig’s writing style that just does not mesh well with me), a novel all about Leia and galactic politics was exactly what I needed.

4. Your favorite TV show of the year?
Same as last year, Fresh Off the Boat and Brooklyn Nine Nine remain wonderfully bright spots in my life. I watched Season 1 of Supergirl after the election and it was exactly what I needed.

5. Your favorite online fandom community of the year?
Critical Role Tumblr, or at least my corner of it. What an incredibly talented, lovely group of people.

6. Your best new fandom discovery of the year?
A toss-up between Critical Role and Yuri on Ice. I honestly do not know if I would have gotten through the year without them.

7. Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?
Captain America: Civil War. It’s not that it was bad, it’s definitely not the thing I was hoping for coming in. But we got a giant explosion of Sam/Bucky fic out of it, so it wasn’t all bad.

8. Your TV boyfriend of the year?
James Olsen. I mean. Just. Good god.

9. Your TV girlfriend of the year?
Alex Danvers, who is so fierce and wonderful and loyal and deserves nothing but good things.

10. Your biggest squee moment of the year?
I yelled pretty loud at the end of episode 10 of Yuri on Ice. There were a couple HDYWTDTs in Critical Role that may have scared the cat. But probably the thing that affected me most emotionally was watching the first trailer for Rogue One in April and seeing Jyn, Chirrut and Baze for the first time.

11. The most missed of your old fandoms?
I miss seeing lots of Pacific Rim stuff on my dash. Also Sleepy Hollow.

12. The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?
I don’t know. I feel pretty full up on things to keep my attention right now.

13. Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?
American Gods liek whoa. Star Wars Episode VIII. Mass Effect: Andromeda.

pearwaldorf: poe from tfa (sw - poe)
I saw a Rogue One! I enjoyed it, but I don't know how I feel about Star Wars prequels still, so it's like 1999 all over again.
Read more... )
pearwaldorf: black widow with explosions behind her (avengers - black widow explosions)
We Lived Happily During the War

And when they bombed other people’s houses, we

protested
but not enough, we opposed them but not

enough. I was
in my bed, around my bed America

was falling: invisible house by invisible house by invisible house.

I took a chair outside and watched the sun.

In the sixth month
of a disastrous reign in the house of money

in the street of money in the city of money in the country of money,
our great country of money, we (forgive us)

lived happily during the war.

--Ilya Kaminsky


Somebody posted this on Tumblr, and it rattled me, because as I read it, I realized becoming this narrator is a fear of mine. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my lack of political involvement since Obama was elected. Yes, part of it was legitimately thinking that things were changing for the better, being seduced by the myth of progress. But if I want to be honest about it, it was easier to pretend, and get sidetracked by the minutiae of quotidian life, believe that donating money was enough.

And then I read an article about what's going on in Aleppo right now, and I realized I hadn't even properly opposed or protested what was going on. It was a tragedy, of course, but nothing that had anything to do with me. It was upsetting to bear witness, so I did not. Never mind that Neil (and so many other people have) been banging on about this for years, doing their best to raise awareness and make people like me give a shit. Intellectually, I know that my individual concern would not have made the rest of the world care, but there are many many people like me, who could have tipped the balance collectively. It was a conscious choice to turn away, and it is one I am ashamed to have made. 
pearwaldorf: you're making kira exasperated. stop it. (ds9 - kira headdesk)
I am intellectually well aware of what happened on election night. I haven't stopped reading about it, because it helps me feel like I know what's going on and that I have a modicum of control. I made a Delicious account to catalog the more useful and illuminating things. As I said on Tumblr, if some digital archaeologist is sifting through the virtual rubble, I want them to know we tried. 

But emotionally, it is something I have not felt capable of internalizing. Fully half the voters, 18-ish percent of the population of this country if the math on Twitter was right, thinks that white supremacy is an acceptable choice, either as an explicit credo or an acceptable consequence. And we didn't see it coming, or thought it wouldn't come to pass.

What keeps sticking in my head is that scene in The Matrix Reloaded, where Neo meets the Architect. He reveals that the first Matrix didn't succeed because was too utopian, too perfect. So the second one was "redesigned based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature." This feels too horrid to be of this world, like an intrusion from a darker timeline. And the real bad shit hasn't even happened yet. 

The thing that's been keeping me afloat (if barely) is thinking about George Takei's confidence that we can get through this. If somebody whose family was put into an internment camp thinks we have a chance, I will defer to the wisdom of my elders. 
pearwaldorf: it's not often a friendship lasts two lifetimes (ds9 - dax sisko bffs)
(I wrote most of this last week and then forgot to post it. Whoops.)

I had a very Star Trek filled Saturday. The husband and I went to go see Star Trek Beyond, and it was ridiculous in the best way (lol classical music, always and forever). One of my friends has posited that Fast and Furious movies make a lot more sense if you interpret them through the lens of a werewolf pack. I don’t think Jim Kirk would make a very good werewolf (please send recs if you would like to prove me wrong), but he protects his friends like one. And everybody was fucking amazing and got their moment, but Uhura <33333 Sulu (and his husband and daughter!) <3333333

And then I went and saw Star Trek in the park, basically. It is not something I would have gone to on my own, but one of my husband’s friends was McCoy in the production. (And I found out that my coworker’s husband is the director. Seattle is a very, very small town in many ways.) Also, Mark Okrand (inventor of Klingon and Vulcan) was there as the pre-show entertainment, and I learned that Klingons have forty synonyms for both war and foreheads. 

They performed an adaptation of “Space Seed”, which is the one where they find Khan. I think the only episode of TOS I have ever seen is a little bit of the one where Kirk fights the Gorn (and the bits of “The Trouble With Tribbles” in the DS9 episode), so it was really amusing to see where people in the 60s thought where we’d be in the 90s. (There was a lot of flannel among Khan’s contemporaries.) The actress who played Khan was leaps and bounds ahead of Bendysnort Cramperpickle, who never had the charisma or depth of vision Montalban or this actress had. 

I have been TOS-adjacent for years, so it was delightful to get an introduction to it from an amateur adaptation. Maybe I’ll give the rest of the series a shot.

pearwaldorf: shepard and garrus on menae (me - s&g menae)
[content notes: discussion of police brutality and related current events]

Last time I was in Alaska, I was in the truck with my husband and father in law. My FIL ran a construction flagger’s sign and got pulled over for it. We were well into the stop when he finally told the officer he had a (legal, permitted) concealed weapon in the truck. The officer gave him A Look. She didn’t even write him up for the traffic violation. My father in law is white.
 
In August of 2014, as Ferguson grieved and agonized, I wrote a series of tweets that I later deleted, about what the Avengers would do about police violence/if they were in Ferguson. It felt terribly self-indulgent, disrespectful, which is why I deleted them, but I literally could not fathom what else I could do while people were getting arrested simply for bearing witness to corruption and unchecked power. 
 
“My enduring obsession with superheroes stems directly from my childhood assumption that I would have to be superhuman to survive this world.” @ismashfizzle
 
Fighting the Battles We Never Could: The Avengers and Post-September 11 American Political Identities. Annika Hagley and Michael Harrison (2014). PS: Political Science & Politics, 47, pp 120-124. 
 
Sometime after August 2014 I remember crying on the bus because I couldn’t immediately recall the name of one of the other black men killed by police. It seemed terribly important at the time to remember. It may have been Eric Garner. I think it was.
 
Between the time news of Alton Sterling’s death hit Twitter and when I heard about Philando Castile, two more men were shot dead by police. I think at least one of them was a person of color. Somebody retweeted their names and pictures, but I can’t find the tweet. 
 
I was hit by a car a couple weeks ago. (I’m fine.) I asked somebody to call the police so they could take a report. The officer (a white man) who came to the scene was pleasant and kind, exactly the way you’d want someone to be if you’d been hit by a car. I kept telling myself that even good cops are part of a terrible system. The woman who hit me was black, and she told me she’d been homeless at a point. I hope it didn’t bring up any unpleasant memories for her.
 
The first Periscope stream I ever watched was somebody at the first date of Beyonce’s Formation tour. I was delighted to be able to share that experience with a stranger, even though I was across the country. How lucky we are to be alive right now, I said.
 
A woman streamed the aftermath of her boyfriend being shot on Facebook Live while she sat in the back of the car with her four year old daughter. I don’t understand how she had the presence of mind to do so. 
 
Beyonce displayed a wall of names at the start of the final act of the Formation tour in Glasgow. Look at how big that wall is, and how many names are on it. Those are just the ones we know. 
 
Janelle Monae and company released Hell You Talmbout in 2015, which is pretty much a list of names of black men and women killed by police chanted over a drumbeat. She performed it at Black Lives Matter rallies at tour stops, and there’s videos of pretty much all of them. The names change a bit, but they never run out. And then you hear names like Emmett Till, Amadou Diallo, and you realize how long this has been going on.
 
A black man was found hanged at Piedmont Park in Atlanta. Numerous social media accounts report they saw the KKK there the night before. It is tentatively being ruled a suicide.
 
Somebody on Twitter looked at the math. Black men are being killed at twice the rate they were lynched in the Jim Crow South. 
 
I am envious of people who can find comfort in religion or prayer. A dear friend’s mother has that true faith, that bad people really do get what they deserve in the end. I wish I was not so pragmatic. 
 
OK that was a lot. Here’s a cute video of Lin-Manuel Miranda talking about a childhood obsession. 
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